The Song of Old Gerald

They say that Old Gerald, he liked to play Tak
for coin in the tavern at night.
But Old Gerald cheated and often his games
would end in a hideous fight.

He’d pulverize men and bloody their noses
for calling him out on his tricks,
and when he was done, he’d take all their coin
and give them a few extra kicks.

Then one day a man with fire-red hair
and a six string-ed lute on his back
walked into the tavern and pulled up a seat
right where that old cheater played Tak.

He watched Gerald cheat and swindle his way
through game after game after game,
and when he had had his full of deceit
he stood up and called Gerald’s name.

“Gerald,” he said, “you’ve bullied these men
and taken from purse after purse,
but if you do not return what you took
I swear that your fate will be worse!”

Then Old Gerald laughed and drew his sharp steel,
for he had far more bravery than wits,
and Kvothe the Arcane called fire and lightning
and blew poor Old Gerald to bits.

Now some say that Kvothe is gone from this world,
but the two of you may yet cross paths,
so if you should try to cheat me at Tak
remember the Kingkiller’s wrath!

Yet another song inspired by the Kingkiller Chronicles by Patrick Rothfuss as well as Tak, the game Rothfuss created with James Ernst that comes from the world of the books.  The Kickstarter for Tak is still going on, so you still have time to pledge and get your hands on this wonderful game.

A Demon Went Down to Tarbean

Well a demon went down to Tarbean. He was looking for a soul to steal.
He was in a bind, ’cause he was way behind. He was willing to make a deal
when he came across a young man carving a capstone down by the docks
and the demon jumped upon a wooden pillar and said, “Boy, let me tell you what:”

“I bet you didn’t know it, but I’m a Tak player, too
and if you care to to take a dare I’ll make a bet with you.
Now you’ve got a mighty fine capstone, boy, but give a demon his due.
I’ll bet a capstone of gold against your soul ’cause I think I’m better than you.”

The boy said, “My name’s Daerwick and it might be a sin,
but I’ll take your bet, and you’re gonna regret
’cause I’m the best there’s ever been!”

Daerwick, polish up your board and gather up your stones,
’cause a demon’s loose in Tarbean and he’s cornered you alone.
And if you win you get this shiny capstone made of gold,
but if you lose, the demon gets your soul!

The demon drew a board with fire and said “I’ll start this show!”
and sparks flew from his fingertips as he gathered up his stones.
When he placed a stone upon the board it glowed with evil light,
like a putrid sea of sewage lit by the moon at night.

As the game went on, Daerwick said, “Well you’re pretty good, old son,
but sit down in that chair right there and let me show you how it’s done.”

Dragon in the valley, run boys, run!
Tehlu’s in the light of the midday sun.
Six-string wore a ring that was made of bone.
Taborlin the Great called the name of stone.

The demon bowed his head because he knew that he’d been beat,
and he laid the golden capstone on the ground at Daerwick’s feet.
Daerwick said, “Demon, come on back if you ever want to try again.
I’ve told you once, you son of a bitch, I’m the best that’s ever been!”

Sorry for the lack of updates, everybody. I went through a bout of depression related to work. I’m doing a lot better now, though!

Anyway, I wrote this parody as way to calm down and start writing again, and also to promote the Kickstarter for Tak, a game from the world of The Name in the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. The Name of the Wind is one of my favorite books, and if you’re a fan of fantasy you should definitely check it out. Please also check out the Kickstarter for Tak, because Tak is an amazing game.